One of hardest roles I undertook as a young actor was from William Wycherley's The Country Wife. In this Restoration Comedy a lascivious man satisfies his lust for women by pretending to be impotent to gain the trust of his propspects' fathers and husbands in order to throw them off his scent. At the time I was a student minister and to say I lived in my most restricted mind-set would be a complete understatement. Don't get me wrong, spriritually the other ministry leaders and I were boundless. We experienced unfathomable spiritual accomplishments. However, everything has balance and the cost of such boundless spirituality was a complete disconnect with my earthly needs, my core desires, and my understanding of pleasure. Not only could I not connect to a fool who would pour so much energy into sex, but I also lacked sympathy with such a base desire. Frustrated with my lackluster portrayal, my director/teacher pulled me aside  and said, "Emotions are like water from a faucet: you can't turn off one without turning them all off." As an actor I felt doomed; As a spiritualist, confused. My director/teacher had laid plain a structural rift in my identity I'd be forced to bridge were I to ever be the man I was called to be.

I had created a dichotomy in my mind, and thus my life, between Pleasure/Desire and Divinity/Spirituality, and it wouldn't be until I was much older and reconnected strongly to my sense of self that I would realize there was not only no need for this separation, but also that this dichotomy was dangerous and debilitating. Most "civilized" cultures spend a great deal of time restricting the natural desires of our hearts. One can analyze Human Desires and see clearly that pleasure drives people forward. Passion fuels creativity, emotions reflect mental health and expression, longing drives us to connect and seek life outside of self, and sex... well it leads to procreation. Even if you don't have sex to have children, that primal urge leads to you satisfying the unspoken needs of your psyche and body. Think Dopamine and other healthy responses the body experiences during sexual expression and you begin to understand how vital these passions are. So why do we restrict them?

The danger of leaving any pleasure or desire completely unchecked is addiction. Dopamine is a powerful chemical. It and other endorphins condition us to rely on a constant state of happiness. Anyone who's been authentically happy will tell you that true happiness is a conscious decision that occurs when you experience something lucidly and can walk away having learned, grown, and made peace with yourself and that experience. It's not based on chemicals released to induce a temporary state of bliss. Overindulgence is another manifestation of unchecked desires and passions. As an artist I have found myself overproducing creatively as a means of gaining control of my life or escaping emotions that I didn't want to face or couldn't understand. A lot of people have trouble seeing the harm in this; afterall what danger are we in from too much art, right? Think of your favorite artist, actor, or singer and remember a time when they produced some of their greatest, most transcendent works and then committed suicide. There may not be a pipe or needle on the scene, but over-creation is no less dangerous than addiction: both are symptoms of a larger unfulfillment or unexpressed desire or passion. So how does one chase one's desires in a healthy way?

In a world that shames and judges others, it can be an extraordinary feat of will to balance our desires & passions with divinity & spirituality, when in truth one side cannot function without the other. Following our passions and desires is actually the key to realizing our divinity and spirituality. When we are told to "Delight ourselves in the Lord and He will give us our hearts' desires," we are being reminded that the path to our spirituality comes from our pleasures and delights in life and leads to the fulfilment of our deepest desires: our unique purposes. That is to say, as we truly take the time to learn ourselves, heal from the influences and restrictions of others, and embrace our true passions we awaken our hearts' desires and discover our true self and unique gifts. This is the point of Passion & Desire. They keep us motivated to Divine Realization & Spiritual Truth. Like Yin and Yang they are merged, and when in balance they support each other fully.

So measure your wants. Hear them. Listen for them. Explore them within reason. And no matter what happens as you do, know that it is part of your journey toward God and self-realization.

​Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.

Like many people I was raised by a mother who demanded the best of me. I was taught if something is worth doing, it was worth being done in excellence; That if I was excellent then my life would reflect my level of investment. Then I turned 12 and got a different speech. I learned that I'd have to be twice as good to get half the recognition. That some people are threatened by others' excellence and will overlook and even tear down excellence to protect their achievements. When I graduated college the next incarnation of the speech came: Life isn't fair. You're not guaranteed equal opportunities let alone rewards for your hard work or diligence. It became clear to me that excellence begets resentment and makes one a target in a world that thrives off privileged mediocrity. You can imagine this discovery caused some cognitive dissonance.

I was disillusioned pretty easily about the white lies our parents told us as kids. I never really believed in Santa Clause and never understood why my parents perpetuated the myth. I never believed in the Tooth Fairy, but gladly accepted the dollar I got for losing teeth (though nothing was done on my part, except letting them fall out). But The lesson that my excellence would be matched with anything less than celebration and success was one that broke my psyche. Quite literally. And I understand why this lie is perpetuated. Why would anyone want to show up or work hard in a world that disproportionately rewards us? Why would any sane, self-loving person give their all to a system that arbitrarily chooses who wins and who loses? So, of course, our parents teach us to be the best we can be; they not only want us to reach our highest potential, but they also are filled with the most overwhelming drive a parent can have: Hope. Hope that the world will be kinder to their children. Hope that something in the systems of our reality will shift. Hope that their hard work will somehow have carved out an ease they never seemed to get from their parents' Hope.

But for those of us who have spun our wheels in this New Millennium trying to reap some reward for our Educations, or finally catch a career break after many false starts and early lay-offs, or get a salary that seems livable (if not fair) while watching others be rewarded for mediocrity and their lack of originality, how can we justify our efforts and excellence? The answer is easy: you don't. "Don't give what is Holy to dogs, and cast not your pearls before swine."

This is a hard lesson to hear and an even harder one to understand and embrace. When we've been raised to always do our best and be the best, it can be difficult to pull back our efforts. And this isn't only about career and politics, but personal friendships and love relationships as well. We have to stop showing up at a level of excellence (or arguably at all) for people and situations that don't appreciate or even match our efforts. Most people who operate at a level of excellence do so for ourselves and/or for God. But we must ask ourself if the places we're placing all this energy are best serving us or God. Why would God put us anywhere we're not appreciated or being blessed? Why would we stay if we're not getting what we need? That's not how self love works and it certainly isn't how Divine love works. No. It's time to pull back our efforts and allow others to match us or meet us where we left off.

Believe it or not this is the change our parents hoped for. The world is shifting to a place that rewards people who value themselves and understand self-love and self-care. This is scary for lots of reasons, not the least of which is the strongest need ever for personal responsibility and ownership. People are realizing that in order to survive the tumultuous ups and downs of our ever changing economy we need to work for ourselves, grow our own food, and invest in our local communities and governments. In this new season, Givers, Empaths, Spiritualists, and People of Excellence need to pull back our efforts and take measure of the levels of reciprocity we've received. If we are being overlooked or under-appreciated, now is the time to terminate those relationships and put our excellence into things that serve us equally. Every moment we don't, we are telling ourselves we aren't worthy of love, appreciation, and we compromise our esteem and worth. It's time we received as much as we've given. And trust me, pulling back to honor ourselves is the easiest way to allow the emotional vampires and narcissists feeding off our energies to fall away. Amazingly, it also gives us time to rest, heal, and take stock of our gifts, dreams, and desires. Our purposes will become clearer and we'll notice we've fallen in line with the shift in the universe: Self-Care and Balanced Exchange of Energy.

So pull back even if it goes against everything you've been taught is true because if you don't honor yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

​Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.

Today I finished a grueling workout with my personal trainer. He asked me, "How was that?" and I responded, "That was the peak of what I could do, but I finished." Then he talked about upping the ante next time. Friday. Of this week. I exhaled more air than I had taken in and said "I don't know if that's possible." To which he responded, "Wait. Are you here to work out or to push yourself?"

This seemingly simple question echoed through me and gave me insight to many of the things I've encountered over the last few years as a healer and a human. My life is completely unrecognizable from a few years ago: I am in control of myself, my career, my relationships; I have freedom from emotional bondage, liberation from others' approval and persmission, and healthy, adaptable boundaries. Things are good. And it's because I have truly learned to live at the edge of my limits; constantly pushing forward, constantly learning new things, and ceaslessly improving upon every challenge I face. Because I am in love with myself I am always looking to be the best version of myself. I deserve nothing less. And my lifestyle reflects that more and more.

​So the question is: how does one move beyond one's limits? Lots of ways.

• Everyday I think about what no longer serves me and how I can release it from my life. This isn't as simple as it sounds, but we get better at letting go the more we trust that everything we need is within reach.
• Which leads me to the next step: gratitude. List at least 5 things for which you are grateful in your life daily. This helps you to take stock of all the wonderful blessings around you despite circumstance. (Remember circumstances are temporary, but you are eternal. Never be deifined by your finite situations when your purpose is infinite.)
• Which neatly merges into the next step of truly taking inventory of your access. Resources for the American mind can seem limited. We tend to see things in terms of money and possessions. Money, however is merely a form of energy. It's called currency because it's meant to stay in constant flow: it comes in, identifies its purpose, and goes out. So if money seems limited, consider other forms of energy you can exchange. What do you have access to that others need? How can you best honor your gifts and talents while serving someone else's needs? I exchange/barter healing with friends and associates all the time in order to maintain access to things meant for me. That's how energy works when it's in balance. So check in, know your worth, and honor your service and the services of those connected to you.
• ​And finally, ask yourself how you can imporve on the access and services you have. This isn't about judgement, though so often our habit is to let that in. Instead, let your inner peace guide you to your next level of desires & manifestations. Meditate and pray on what is next for you. I was recently reminded about Visualizing vs. Visioning. The former is about imposing your will on the universe. Powerful and liberating all in itself, but recognize your idea of yourself lives within your current limits of understanding. Visioning is a process of asking the universe what it needs from you and receiving guidance on how to get there by listening for the answer. This is how you move beyond your understanding of self and, thus, your limits!

Take a look at the person in the mirror; It's the last time you'll ever see them, so be grateful and gentle as you release this version of yourself knowing you'll be completely different tomorrow. And don't worry about having the courage to face what comes next; when you're in love with yourself you move at the pace that's right for you and the universe because you show up for yourself in every moment. There is no fear, only power and a sound mind.

Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.

When Life gives you lemons it's so very hard to be grateful that you already have water, sugar, honey, lemon zest for homemade essential oils... you get the point. I spent years fighting for the life I wanted and thought I needed. I took corporate jobs that I was great at, but never fully loved, and still lost my sense of self when I was overlooked, under-appreciated, and disenfranchised. I kept asking God why He had forsaken me. Where was His Love & Protection in this season? What more did He want from me? Why no matter what I did or what path I walked was I served lemons instead of milk and honey?

In these tough seasons of seeming abandonment, our friends are little help. They do what they can. They listen to us vent. They offer solutions when we're not ready to hear them (because we're too busy wallowing). Then, eventually, they let us go because they're at their ropes' ends and simply can't be around us any longer. So we blame God for our friends abandoning us as well. In short, we spiral out. We descend into depression and focus on all the things we don't have and can't seem to get while filling up on envy as we watch others gain more and revel in their own happiness. Why not us? When is our turn? How do we get out of the rut?

Gratitude. Thanks. Acknowledgment and recognition. Seriously. Focusing on what we want or don't have or have lost is no way to change our  current situation. It keeps us in the wallowing phase of things. It causes us to feel less than our worth. It makes us blame God, our friends, our family, and-- if we're evolved enough-- ourselves for a lacking we perceive to exist. But what if there is no such thing as a lacking? What if we have exactly what we need, when we need it, always? What if God never forsakes us or leaves us without and the only thing standing in our way is our mindset? What if we stopped focusing on what we want and instead truly looked at what we already have with appreciation and fulfillment and asked ourselves "how can these things better serve me?" or better still "How can I better serve these things I have been given?"

My life transformed in ways I can't describe in one blog when I started listing FIVE things a day I was grateful for. Just five! Suddenly I realized how many resources were in my life. How much power I had access to. How many friends, family, and acquaintances were here for my betterment and higher self. I saw God's hand in places I hadn't even known work was being done on my behalf. I became elated and overwhelmed with love and a new understanding of my worth. What a relief! And that was just the first step on a beautiful journey of gratitude and self-love. Five things a day.

So what five things are you grateful for? List them just for today. And then try again tomorrow and as many days as you can. Give thanks with a grateful heart and unlock your deepest,  fullest desires!
 
​Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.

When we have siblings, one of our favorite things to do as a child is confront our parents with the toughest question of all: "Which of us do you love the most?" Most parents pass this test with ease, stating that they love all their children equally. This, of course, is met with chagrin and disappointment by children as we couldn't possibly fathom having enough room in our hearts to love multiple things equally when we spend most of our days picking a favorite color, animal, flavor, etc. Luckily, as we grow so does our understanding of how love works. We discover that not only is it possible to love many things with equitability but it's also possible to have multiple types of love for things in this world.

There are so many depths to Love and its expressions, but as we learn to love ourselves we are faced with the task to understand how we now must interact with the world. In order to do that most affectively we need a foundation of understanding how love manifests in our hearts. This prevents us from returning to old habits and obligations, protects us from emotional vampires & narcissists, and creates healthy boundaries that keep us whole.

To that end, I want to share my understanding of four (to five) of the most common ways we understand love and what they mean to our lives.

1) Eros: That Chica-Chica Bow-wow Love. Marital Love. Physical Attraction. This is that Root Chakra Love. It connects us to our bodies and to the world around us in the most basic way possible. When abused, it can cheapen its expression, but the truth is every sexual act exchanges a Love of Self for an appreciation of another. You don't need to be married to make this exchange nor do you need to be aware of it, but the price remains the same. To maximize our worth we must always measure our value with that of the person's perception of us and investment in us. We can give freely and as often as we want, but we mustn't trick ourselves into believing that Love of Self isn't part of the offer (sometimes literally) on the table.

2) Philia/Philos: Brotherly Love. Deep, Platonic Friendship. This love is not based on physical attraction or human compassion, but the most unique and under-appreciated of loves. It is the choice to bring someone into your life and keep them there because of inexplicable bonds. This love is about creating the world around us and resonates for some in the Heart Chakra, but understandably in the Sacral Chakra for others. Within this love there is also Storge, which is familial love. I can see the need to separate the two when discussing Parental/Child love, but most people recognize that true friends, that tribe you build your world around and share those adult moments of your life with... that is the family you create. Making Philos one of the most important expressions of Love as it merges Love with the greatest gift humanity has: Free Will.

3) Agape: Universal or Divine Love. Namaste Love. The recognition of Spirit and Humanity in others. Agape Love is not readily accessible to everyone. In fact, most people have to work to truly understand pure, unconditional love. A lot of us think we've achieved it, but still find ourselves riddled with a need to change or control the people in our lives. That's not Agape Love (or any love, really). When we journey inward and learn ourselves and fall in love with ourselves completely, we take the first steps to achieving this Divine, Crown Chakra Love. It's that patient, kind, gentle love that meets each individual where they are and embraces them without judgement or need of reciprocity. It feels good to believe we have this love in us, but that's just not true unless we've put in the very difficult work of opening our hearts to forgiveness, divinity, truth, and acceptance. Once we achieve it though... the world becomes filled with peace that passes all understanding and we truly see that everything is possible.

4) Affection: The act of showing Love. Love in Motion. To hug. To caress. To touch. To pray. To heal. To forgive. To feed. To make laugh. This love is the love that embraces and surrounds us. It is the most subtle of Loves and as a result is as powerful as it is overlooked. Our lives would be nothing without affection, for even when we have the other forms of Love mastered, what good are they if unexpressed? Paolo Coelho once said that "Love isn't a feeling; Love just is." This is Affection. Love as a state of being. Or even better, as a motivation for all actions.

So as you take the love you have for yourself and begin to share it with the world, make sure you understand which love it is and the appropriate way to express it, but most importantly do express it. And when you're ready, make it the sole motivation for all you do.

​Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.

Friendship is one of the most precious things in our world. Surrounding ourselves with the right people creates a foundation of support and love that is unlike anything else we experience. As we get older, our circles tend to get smaller but more sacred; And the journey towards that tribe of true people is often a mirror of the journey towards loving ourselves.

A few years ago, I had a very close friend who had been with me through a lot of the darker times in my life. Since living in LA the past twelve years, friendships had become a rarity and thus I held on to as many as I could regardless of what they looked like. This friend and I had a few hiccups along the way, but I hadn't realized how little she respected me until I came home to find her in my house without invitation. And it wasn't enough that she was visiting without my permission, but she was having a cocaine and pizza party with my roommate's friend, her girlfriend, and her dog, that was sitting on my brand new couch. I should mention now that I don't do (nor have I ever done) cocaine, I don't have pets of any kind, and I had specifically asked her not to pursue a friendship with this particular roommate until he'd moved out of the apartment, which was scheduled to occur in a few weeks (long story); So everything that I'm sharing hit me that much harder as I entered my home with my roommate. When I asked her to leave not only did she refuse, but she raised her voice at me... in my house. In that moment I stepped outside of the, apparently, meek person I'd become and used a myriad of colorful language to remove every last person in that situation not only from my home but also my life.

This started something magical. I started to see all the friendships I had very clearly. I realized that as I had allowed myself to fall into my own depressions and wallow in lower vibrations I'd invited a slew of people into my life who were happy to take advantage of me or be friends as long as I was doing what they needed or wanted of me. And this wasn't only about material things or eating up my time and energy. Some people were solely there to watch me wallow in my own misery or listen to how deeply I was suffering. It somehow made them feel superior or elated or perhaps comforted. I'm not entirely sure, but what I am certain of is as I began to love myself and live for myself again... as I embraced my personal power and stopped giving it away, these people fell to the fringes of my life or dropped out completely.

This all occurred simultaneously to my year long journey of falling in love with myself about two years ago. Since then, I've learned to measure my own progress by the Toxic Friendships that reveal themselves and fall away. I rarely remove anyone from my life these days-- I'm in my thirties, the industries I work in are small and interdependent, and LA is hard enough without going at it alone-- but as I love myself more and more deeply and live in that truth unapologetically, the Narcissists I have attracted to me as a healer and empath naturally take their leave as I no longer serve their personal ambitions and needs.

The friends I have now are more like how I see myself in my mind's eye. We think alike. We have similar interests. We rarely need something from the other that isn't naturally given or exchanged. I never feel taken advantage of or like I need to compromise myself or make myself smaller for them to feel important or loved. I never feel completely overlooked or misunderstood and rejected. And what's amazing to me is some of these friendships are over twenty years old and some are only a few weeks old, but they all feel like home.

Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.
​

In the past I've made the mistake of sharing my dreams with people. See, I'm a talker... and often I talk things out to hear how they sound and to separate ideas from the others rushing through my quick mind. It was part of my process. But what I hadn't yet realized was that I was sharing my dreams with people before I had given them time to incubate and become strong enough to manifest. And people being people would kill them.

There's a number of reasons people destroy others' dreams. Mostly due to their own pain, fears, and self-loathing because of their own failures, but the fact remains: People kill what they don't understand. And no other person is meant to understand what is placed in your heart but you. It's why you were created. And since you are unique, so is your dream.

Being made in the image of God, we ourselves are creators. We are meant to give life to that which is inside us. That which was entrusted to us since conception. We call those seedlings "Dreams" because that is how our subconscious reminds us of our purpose: through our dreams. But these ambitions are ours to realize, nurture, protect, and eventually give to the world. Every person alive is a trailblazer meant to carve our unique paths through our world.
Do not let the fears,limits, and shame of others kill your unique gift before you even give birth to it. Guard your heart! It is the wellspring of your life! It is your purpose!
​
And the next time someone shares their gift/dream with you and you don't understand it, remind them that their path is unique and yours is not to understand but to love and support them unconditionally and without hesitation (even if you cannot be a part of their vision).
​Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.

We live in tumultuous times. Everyone is looking for someone or something to be offended by. Everyone wants a label to identify with and a new fight to win. And while we have the power to affect change in the world it exhausts us because we're sending all our energy outward instead of inward. Usually the battle we should be fighting is within ourselves.

We all know recently Police Officers have been murdering citizens. How this is anything but an outrage to other American citizens is beyond my understanding, but as a Black Man I had to speak out. I shared my experiences with Police Officers and how I'd been profiled, mistreated, and lied on in court (the Officer, who works for the Court, straight up perjured himself and still won). I knew the system was rigged but every time I talked about it with someone (including other Black people) they told me how I could improve. They flipped it on me and told me how I was prejudiced against cops; that I needed to change.

They were right. In most aspects of my life my Christianity can be noted. I'm not an evangelist. It's not how God uses me. So I don't spend a lot of time ending sentences with "Praise 'im" or use "Jesus" as a tag line (though there was a time when I was young in Christ). Instead most people can tell by my life that something else is up with me, except for when I talked about Police Officers. That's when years of pain and rage from oppression, abuse of power, and socially accepted White Supremacy would come out. After one too many disconnected conversations with people about Racism and Police Brutality, I knew I needed to change something within me before I tried to return balance to a hurting world without.

Our hearts and minds color our perspectives. Everything we hold on to and allow ourselves to believe becomes a part of us and our reality. If we let go... If we turn our power within and heal, then we change our own perspectives and we change our reality. And because we're feeding ourselves love and healing, that well will never run dry; We will no longer tire or grow fatigued. As far as the cops and racism... Well it's easier to fight when you recognize your enemy's fear and hatred and aren't blinded by your own.

Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.

Suicide & Depression are two of the darkest words in our language. When people talk about their struggles with either our first instincts include eye-rolls, deep sighs, high pitched comforts, or simply walking away. But why the stigma against thoughts of killing ourselves? Why do we shy from the darkness of wanting to stop life in its tracks? Why do we see Suicide & Depression as signs of infantile weakness?

When we get sick with the flu one of the first things we tell ourselves is "Stay in bed. Rest. Heal. You'll be fine soon." And we're right. So we do. And then we bounce back to our regular selves, only stronger having now inoculated ourselves against yet another strain of virus. Sometimes we're even silly enough to try to power through a cold that escalates and we watch ourselves deteriorate slowly until the walking pneumonia pulls us right off the campaign trail. Most people realize how terribly irresponsible that is. We look at the person who is sick and coughing on us (in the airport) like they're some sort of radioactive Kryptonite with the judgement of a selfish mule. "Seriously! Stay away from others until you heal!" We want to protect ourselves from their sickness, but we're also worried about their health & well-being.
But when people struggle with spiritual and mental illness... we're not nearly as compassionate or understanding. Instead we fall into tropes like "Get over it. You're still talking about that? God never gives you more than you can bear. This too shall pass. Keep on keepin' on." But what if we started understanding Depression as the Spirit's & Mind's way of telling us we need to stay in bed, rest, and heal so we can be fine soon? What if Suicide is a natural part of our psyche alerting us to parts of ourselves we no longer need or want around but have clung to out of fear or false comfort? What if 3 weeks alone in bed is exactly what we need to get over the weight of burden we've allowed to sit on our shoulders, or if killing some part of ourselves so that another part can grow is the season we are in?

About 7 years ago I was terminated for the first time in my life from a job I had attached my ego and identity to. I loved what I was doing and who I had become while there, and when it was snatched away from I was all but literally gutted. I had psychological trauma, PTSD, identity dissonance... the list goes on. Then I realized my termination led to fundamental changes within that organization and became a Martyr. This identity of the Martyr (fancy Victim) protected me from fully attaching to grief and nervous breakdown. And me and Martyr stayed together for quite some time until I began to lose myself altogether and repeat the cycle of self-sacrifice/victim in a lot of my life. I wasn't in control and I didn't recognize the person in the mirror. I felt trapped. I was sinking. The only way out was Death. So I killed the Martyr. I murdered the Victim. Seriously. I did a ritual during which I confronted those aspects of myself, thanked them for saving me, told them our time together was over, and released them. I did that ceremony with a lot of versions of myself that no longer served me, and I broke free of my past and healed my Mind & Soul.
​
Autumn & Winter are the seasons of Death & Transformation. What parts of yourself are calling out to be let go? What healing is your mind and spirit saying you need? Suicide & Depression aren't only natural cycles of the Mind & Spirit, they're essential for our growth.

Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.