"Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do." - Rachel Wolchin ![]() Like many people I was raised by a mother who demanded the best of me. I was taught if something is worth doing, it was worth being done in excellence; That if I was excellent then my life would reflect my level of investment. Then I turned 12 and got a different speech. I learned that I'd have to be twice as good to get half the recognition. That some people are threatened by others' excellence and will overlook and even tear down excellence to protect their achievements. When I graduated college the next incarnation of the speech came: Life isn't fair. You're not guaranteed equal opportunities let alone rewards for your hard work or diligence. It became clear to me that excellence begets resentment and makes one a target in a world that thrives off privileged mediocrity. You can imagine this discovery caused some cognitive dissonance. I was disillusioned pretty easily about the white lies our parents told us as kids. I never really believed in Santa Clause and never understood why my parents perpetuated the myth. I never believed in the Tooth Fairy, but gladly accepted the dollar I got for losing teeth (though nothing was done on my part, except letting them fall out). But The lesson that my excellence would be matched with anything less than celebration and success was one that broke my psyche. Quite literally. And I understand why this lie is perpetuated. Why would anyone want to show up or work hard in a world that disproportionately rewards us? Why would any sane, self-loving person give their all to a system that arbitrarily chooses who wins and who loses? So, of course, our parents teach us to be the best we can be; they not only want us to reach our highest potential, but they also are filled with the most overwhelming drive a parent can have: Hope. Hope that the world will be kinder to their children. Hope that something in the systems of our reality will shift. Hope that their hard work will somehow have carved out an ease they never seemed to get from their parents' Hope. But for those of us who have spun our wheels in this New Millennium trying to reap some reward for our Educations, or finally catch a career break after many false starts and early lay-offs, or get a salary that seems livable (if not fair) while watching others be rewarded for mediocrity and their lack of originality, how can we justify our efforts and excellence? The answer is easy: you don't. "Don't give what is Holy to dogs, and cast not your pearls before swine." This is a hard lesson to hear and an even harder one to understand and embrace. When we've been raised to always do our best and be the best, it can be difficult to pull back our efforts. And this isn't only about career and politics, but personal friendships and love relationships as well. We have to stop showing up at a level of excellence (or arguably at all) for people and situations that don't appreciate or even match our efforts. Most people who operate at a level of excellence do so for ourselves and/or for God. But we must ask ourself if the places we're placing all this energy are best serving us or God. Why would God put us anywhere we're not appreciated or being blessed? Why would we stay if we're not getting what we need? That's not how self love works and it certainly isn't how Divine love works. No. It's time to pull back our efforts and allow others to match us or meet us where we left off. Believe it or not this is the change our parents hoped for. The world is shifting to a place that rewards people who value themselves and understand self-love and self-care. This is scary for lots of reasons, not the least of which is the strongest need ever for personal responsibility and ownership. People are realizing that in order to survive the tumultuous ups and downs of our ever changing economy we need to work for ourselves, grow our own food, and invest in our local communities and governments. In this new season, Givers, Empaths, Spiritualists, and People of Excellence need to pull back our efforts and take measure of the levels of reciprocity we've received. If we are being overlooked or under-appreciated, now is the time to terminate those relationships and put our excellence into things that serve us equally. Every moment we don't, we are telling ourselves we aren't worthy of love, appreciation, and we compromise our esteem and worth. It's time we received as much as we've given. And trust me, pulling back to honor ourselves is the easiest way to allow the emotional vampires and narcissists feeding off our energies to fall away. Amazingly, it also gives us time to rest, heal, and take stock of our gifts, dreams, and desires. Our purposes will become clearer and we'll notice we've fallen in line with the shift in the universe: Self-Care and Balanced Exchange of Energy. So pull back even if it goes against everything you've been taught is true because if you don't honor yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.
4 Comments
Helene
12/14/2016 03:59:41 pm
AMEN!💖💯🎉
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Luis Zayas
12/15/2016 02:42:53 am
Excellent. Eye openeing and very true. Thank you for inspiring me to pull back from people who cannot see my worth.
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Paulette
12/15/2016 03:24:44 am
Very well crafted and the absolute truth. Self preservation is the key to it all.
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Marilyn
12/15/2016 07:48:35 pm
Of course doing the work we do. I encounter people who feel helpless with all that's going on in the world and they ask "" Where should I start" I answer always "With yourself". Jeremy this is so good. Your writing is eloquent! Bravo. And I'm super proud of you!!!
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AuthorJeremy the Healer Archives
January 2017
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