One of hardest roles I undertook as a young actor was from William Wycherley's The Country Wife. In this Restoration Comedy a lascivious man satisfies his lust for women by pretending to be impotent to gain the trust of his propspects' fathers and husbands in order to throw them off his scent. At the time I was a student minister and to say I lived in my most restricted mind-set would be a complete understatement. Don't get me wrong, spriritually the other ministry leaders and I were boundless. We experienced unfathomable spiritual accomplishments. However, everything has balance and the cost of such boundless spirituality was a complete disconnect with my earthly needs, my core desires, and my understanding of pleasure. Not only could I not connect to a fool who would pour so much energy into sex, but I also lacked sympathy with such a base desire. Frustrated with my lackluster portrayal, my director/teacher pulled me aside  and said, "Emotions are like water from a faucet: you can't turn off one without turning them all off." As an actor I felt doomed; As a spiritualist, confused. My director/teacher had laid plain a structural rift in my identity I'd be forced to bridge were I to ever be the man I was called to be.

I had created a dichotomy in my mind, and thus my life, between Pleasure/Desire and Divinity/Spirituality, and it wouldn't be until I was much older and reconnected strongly to my sense of self that I would realize there was not only no need for this separation, but also that this dichotomy was dangerous and debilitating. Most "civilized" cultures spend a great deal of time restricting the natural desires of our hearts. One can analyze Human Desires and see clearly that pleasure drives people forward. Passion fuels creativity, emotions reflect mental health and expression, longing drives us to connect and seek life outside of self, and sex... well it leads to procreation. Even if you don't have sex to have children, that primal urge leads to you satisfying the unspoken needs of your psyche and body. Think Dopamine and other healthy responses the body experiences during sexual expression and you begin to understand how vital these passions are. So why do we restrict them?

The danger of leaving any pleasure or desire completely unchecked is addiction. Dopamine is a powerful chemical. It and other endorphins condition us to rely on a constant state of happiness. Anyone who's been authentically happy will tell you that true happiness is a conscious decision that occurs when you experience something lucidly and can walk away having learned, grown, and made peace with yourself and that experience. It's not based on chemicals released to induce a temporary state of bliss. Overindulgence is another manifestation of unchecked desires and passions. As an artist I have found myself overproducing creatively as a means of gaining control of my life or escaping emotions that I didn't want to face or couldn't understand. A lot of people have trouble seeing the harm in this; afterall what danger are we in from too much art, right? Think of your favorite artist, actor, or singer and remember a time when they produced some of their greatest, most transcendent works and then committed suicide. There may not be a pipe or needle on the scene, but over-creation is no less dangerous than addiction: both are symptoms of a larger unfulfillment or unexpressed desire or passion. So how does one chase one's desires in a healthy way?

In a world that shames and judges others, it can be an extraordinary feat of will to balance our desires & passions with divinity & spirituality, when in truth one side cannot function without the other. Following our passions and desires is actually the key to realizing our divinity and spirituality. When we are told to "Delight ourselves in the Lord and He will give us our hearts' desires," we are being reminded that the path to our spirituality comes from our pleasures and delights in life and leads to the fulfilment of our deepest desires: our unique purposes. That is to say, as we truly take the time to learn ourselves, heal from the influences and restrictions of others, and embrace our true passions we awaken our hearts' desires and discover our true self and unique gifts. This is the point of Passion & Desire. They keep us motivated to Divine Realization & Spiritual Truth. Like Yin and Yang they are merged, and when in balance they support each other fully.

So measure your wants. Hear them. Listen for them. Explore them within reason. And no matter what happens as you do, know that it is part of your journey toward God and self-realization.

​Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.

Like many people I was raised by a mother who demanded the best of me. I was taught if something is worth doing, it was worth being done in excellence; That if I was excellent then my life would reflect my level of investment. Then I turned 12 and got a different speech. I learned that I'd have to be twice as good to get half the recognition. That some people are threatened by others' excellence and will overlook and even tear down excellence to protect their achievements. When I graduated college the next incarnation of the speech came: Life isn't fair. You're not guaranteed equal opportunities let alone rewards for your hard work or diligence. It became clear to me that excellence begets resentment and makes one a target in a world that thrives off privileged mediocrity. You can imagine this discovery caused some cognitive dissonance.

I was disillusioned pretty easily about the white lies our parents told us as kids. I never really believed in Santa Clause and never understood why my parents perpetuated the myth. I never believed in the Tooth Fairy, but gladly accepted the dollar I got for losing teeth (though nothing was done on my part, except letting them fall out). But The lesson that my excellence would be matched with anything less than celebration and success was one that broke my psyche. Quite literally. And I understand why this lie is perpetuated. Why would anyone want to show up or work hard in a world that disproportionately rewards us? Why would any sane, self-loving person give their all to a system that arbitrarily chooses who wins and who loses? So, of course, our parents teach us to be the best we can be; they not only want us to reach our highest potential, but they also are filled with the most overwhelming drive a parent can have: Hope. Hope that the world will be kinder to their children. Hope that something in the systems of our reality will shift. Hope that their hard work will somehow have carved out an ease they never seemed to get from their parents' Hope.

But for those of us who have spun our wheels in this New Millennium trying to reap some reward for our Educations, or finally catch a career break after many false starts and early lay-offs, or get a salary that seems livable (if not fair) while watching others be rewarded for mediocrity and their lack of originality, how can we justify our efforts and excellence? The answer is easy: you don't. "Don't give what is Holy to dogs, and cast not your pearls before swine."

This is a hard lesson to hear and an even harder one to understand and embrace. When we've been raised to always do our best and be the best, it can be difficult to pull back our efforts. And this isn't only about career and politics, but personal friendships and love relationships as well. We have to stop showing up at a level of excellence (or arguably at all) for people and situations that don't appreciate or even match our efforts. Most people who operate at a level of excellence do so for ourselves and/or for God. But we must ask ourself if the places we're placing all this energy are best serving us or God. Why would God put us anywhere we're not appreciated or being blessed? Why would we stay if we're not getting what we need? That's not how self love works and it certainly isn't how Divine love works. No. It's time to pull back our efforts and allow others to match us or meet us where we left off.

Believe it or not this is the change our parents hoped for. The world is shifting to a place that rewards people who value themselves and understand self-love and self-care. This is scary for lots of reasons, not the least of which is the strongest need ever for personal responsibility and ownership. People are realizing that in order to survive the tumultuous ups and downs of our ever changing economy we need to work for ourselves, grow our own food, and invest in our local communities and governments. In this new season, Givers, Empaths, Spiritualists, and People of Excellence need to pull back our efforts and take measure of the levels of reciprocity we've received. If we are being overlooked or under-appreciated, now is the time to terminate those relationships and put our excellence into things that serve us equally. Every moment we don't, we are telling ourselves we aren't worthy of love, appreciation, and we compromise our esteem and worth. It's time we received as much as we've given. And trust me, pulling back to honor ourselves is the easiest way to allow the emotional vampires and narcissists feeding off our energies to fall away. Amazingly, it also gives us time to rest, heal, and take stock of our gifts, dreams, and desires. Our purposes will become clearer and we'll notice we've fallen in line with the shift in the universe: Self-Care and Balanced Exchange of Energy.

So pull back even if it goes against everything you've been taught is true because if you don't honor yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

​Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.

Today I finished a grueling workout with my personal trainer. He asked me, "How was that?" and I responded, "That was the peak of what I could do, but I finished." Then he talked about upping the ante next time. Friday. Of this week. I exhaled more air than I had taken in and said "I don't know if that's possible." To which he responded, "Wait. Are you here to work out or to push yourself?"

This seemingly simple question echoed through me and gave me insight to many of the things I've encountered over the last few years as a healer and a human. My life is completely unrecognizable from a few years ago: I am in control of myself, my career, my relationships; I have freedom from emotional bondage, liberation from others' approval and persmission, and healthy, adaptable boundaries. Things are good. And it's because I have truly learned to live at the edge of my limits; constantly pushing forward, constantly learning new things, and ceaslessly improving upon every challenge I face. Because I am in love with myself I am always looking to be the best version of myself. I deserve nothing less. And my lifestyle reflects that more and more.

​So the question is: how does one move beyond one's limits? Lots of ways.

• Everyday I think about what no longer serves me and how I can release it from my life. This isn't as simple as it sounds, but we get better at letting go the more we trust that everything we need is within reach.
• Which leads me to the next step: gratitude. List at least 5 things for which you are grateful in your life daily. This helps you to take stock of all the wonderful blessings around you despite circumstance. (Remember circumstances are temporary, but you are eternal. Never be deifined by your finite situations when your purpose is infinite.)
• Which neatly merges into the next step of truly taking inventory of your access. Resources for the American mind can seem limited. We tend to see things in terms of money and possessions. Money, however is merely a form of energy. It's called currency because it's meant to stay in constant flow: it comes in, identifies its purpose, and goes out. So if money seems limited, consider other forms of energy you can exchange. What do you have access to that others need? How can you best honor your gifts and talents while serving someone else's needs? I exchange/barter healing with friends and associates all the time in order to maintain access to things meant for me. That's how energy works when it's in balance. So check in, know your worth, and honor your service and the services of those connected to you.
• ​And finally, ask yourself how you can imporve on the access and services you have. This isn't about judgement, though so often our habit is to let that in. Instead, let your inner peace guide you to your next level of desires & manifestations. Meditate and pray on what is next for you. I was recently reminded about Visualizing vs. Visioning. The former is about imposing your will on the universe. Powerful and liberating all in itself, but recognize your idea of yourself lives within your current limits of understanding. Visioning is a process of asking the universe what it needs from you and receiving guidance on how to get there by listening for the answer. This is how you move beyond your understanding of self and, thus, your limits!

Take a look at the person in the mirror; It's the last time you'll ever see them, so be grateful and gentle as you release this version of yourself knowing you'll be completely different tomorrow. And don't worry about having the courage to face what comes next; when you're in love with yourself you move at the pace that's right for you and the universe because you show up for yourself in every moment. There is no fear, only power and a sound mind.

Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.