"A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself" - Frank Crane ![]() Friendship is one of the most precious things in our world. Surrounding ourselves with the right people creates a foundation of support and love that is unlike anything else we experience. As we get older, our circles tend to get smaller but more sacred; And the journey towards that tribe of true people is often a mirror of the journey towards loving ourselves. A few years ago, I had a very close friend who had been with me through a lot of the darker times in my life. Since living in LA the past twelve years, friendships had become a rarity and thus I held on to as many as I could regardless of what they looked like. This friend and I had a few hiccups along the way, but I hadn't realized how little she respected me until I came home to find her in my house without invitation. And it wasn't enough that she was visiting without my permission, but she was having a cocaine and pizza party with my roommate's friend, her girlfriend, and her dog, that was sitting on my brand new couch. I should mention now that I don't do (nor have I ever done) cocaine, I don't have pets of any kind, and I had specifically asked her not to pursue a friendship with this particular roommate until he'd moved out of the apartment, which was scheduled to occur in a few weeks (long story); So everything that I'm sharing hit me that much harder as I entered my home with my roommate. When I asked her to leave not only did she refuse, but she raised her voice at me... in my house. In that moment I stepped outside of the, apparently, meek person I'd become and used a myriad of colorful language to remove every last person in that situation not only from my home but also my life. This started something magical. I started to see all the friendships I had very clearly. I realized that as I had allowed myself to fall into my own depressions and wallow in lower vibrations I'd invited a slew of people into my life who were happy to take advantage of me or be friends as long as I was doing what they needed or wanted of me. And this wasn't only about material things or eating up my time and energy. Some people were solely there to watch me wallow in my own misery or listen to how deeply I was suffering. It somehow made them feel superior or elated or perhaps comforted. I'm not entirely sure, but what I am certain of is as I began to love myself and live for myself again... as I embraced my personal power and stopped giving it away, these people fell to the fringes of my life or dropped out completely. This all occurred simultaneously to my year long journey of falling in love with myself about two years ago. Since then, I've learned to measure my own progress by the Toxic Friendships that reveal themselves and fall away. I rarely remove anyone from my life these days-- I'm in my thirties, the industries I work in are small and interdependent, and LA is hard enough without going at it alone-- but as I love myself more and more deeply and live in that truth unapologetically, the Narcissists I have attracted to me as a healer and empath naturally take their leave as I no longer serve their personal ambitions and needs. The friends I have now are more like how I see myself in my mind's eye. We think alike. We have similar interests. We rarely need something from the other that isn't naturally given or exchanged. I never feel taken advantage of or like I need to compromise myself or make myself smaller for them to feel important or loved. I never feel completely overlooked or misunderstood and rejected. And what's amazing to me is some of these friendships are over twenty years old and some are only a few weeks old, but they all feel like home. Know Thyself; Love Thyself; Heal Thyself. Amen.
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AuthorJeremy the Healer Archives
January 2017
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